One of those...

So working for any extended period of time with victims requires a developing a certain type of callousness. I don't mean the kind that makes you an insensitive, cynical jerk (though there are trace elements of that, usually only when it comes to the perps or the minor dramas of every day life), but the kind required to keep you from losing your mind when you are daily listening to the horrors your clients live with day after day. I've been pretty good about this, being able to separate my work from my emotions when it's time to go home. I've been so good at detaching that I've been accused of being cold-hearted by more than one person (colleagues and friends, never a client), even referred to as an Ice Queen. But every now and then, something breaks through. One client's story will strike me in such a way that it cannot be ignored, that I cannot simply detach and leave it behind. In my three or so years of doing this work, it's only happened about a half dozen times. But today was one of those times. While certainly not the most violent of the cases I've dealt with, it was so shocking, the abuse of such a sort that left me reeling to read the report. That someone could be so heartless, so cruel, is difficult to comprehend. Seeing her shear terror is horrifying. I know that this is one I will not forget. And I don't even have my same support system to talk it out with. Having such close friends in your coworkers is essential in this kind of work, and I'm realizing now just how lucky I was in the staff I was once a part of. Whenever one of us had a tough call, we would always talk it out with each other, even if it meant calling them early Saturday morning and waking them up because you just got in from three back to back calls and need to debrief. Though I know that I can still call Jen and Betty, it's just not quite the same as having someone with the same investment as the people in the same office. And I don't mean to say that my current co-workers aren't fabulous, it's just not the same level of connection because we do not spend as much time together, each being in the office only a day and a half of the week. I suppose I shouldn't be surprised that this happened today, as it is my last day at the clinic, and it would be absurd to think I could make it through my entire time there without running into one of those...